滴，一声哨响，首届国际英译汉竞赛开幕了。只见【有道翻译】、【百度翻译】与【Google翻译】三家参赛单位鱼贯入场，主持人美美哒小姐稍后也登台亮相啦。主持人咳嗽了两声调侃道：“都到齐了吗？没来的请举手。”她装模作样地扫了下会场，看到没人举手，又道：“看来都到齐了。听说你们三家都说自己厉害，谁也不服谁，今天就通过竞赛比试比试，是骡子是马牵出来遛遛。竞赛规则是：对9道考题，在规定时间、规定地点给出答案，由吃瓜群众评判决定名次。现在，我宣布竞赛开始。”
1:
您吃晚饭了吗？
还没呢。
没吃回家吃去吧。
Have you had dinner yet?
Not yet.
Go home and eat it.
【百度翻译】：
Have you had dinner yet?
Not yet.
Go home without food.
【Google翻译】：
Have you eaten dinner?
Not yet.
Let ’s go home and eat.
2:
您吃晚饭了吗？
吃过了。
再吃点吧，再吃点能死啊？
Have you had dinner yet?
Eaten.
Eat some more. Eat some more and you"ll die.
【百度翻译】：
Have you had dinner yet?
Yes, I had my meal.
Eat more, and you"ll die if you eat more?
【Google翻译】：
Have you eaten dinner?
Ate.
Eat some more, can you die?
3:
屋里的味道咋这么难闻呢？
对不起，我刚才吃了几把炒黄豆。
Why does the room smell so bad?
I"m sorry, I had some fried beans just now.
【百度翻译】：
Why does the house smell so bad?
Sorry, I just had some fried soybeans.
【Google翻译】：
The smell in the house is so bad?
Sorry, I ate a few handfuls of fried soybeans just now.
4:
在疫情蔓延期间，别再追求盲目的自由啦。
这是为什么呢？。
因为这次新冠病毒专治各种不服。
In the midst of an epidemic, stop pursuing blind freedom.
Why is that? .
Because this time the novel coronavirus is against all kinds of disease.
【百度翻译】：
Stop pursuing blind freedom during the epidemic.
Why is that?.
Because this time, the new coronavirus was specially used to treat all kinds of people.
【Google翻译】：
During the epidemic, stop pursuing blind freedom.
Why is this? .
Because this time the new crown virus treats all kinds of dissatisfaction.
5:
别装牛叉啦！咱俩谁不知道谁呀。
Don"t pretend to be great! Neither of us knows the other.
【百度翻译】：
Don"t put on the pitchfork! Neither of us knows who.
【Google翻译】：
Don"t pretend a cow fork! Who doesn"t know who we are.
6:
别给那盆死掉的花儿做人工呼吸啦！我看你真是闲的那啥疼。
Don"t give that dead flower artificial respiration! I think you are really idle that what pain.
【百度翻译】：
Don"t give that basin of dead flowers artificial respiration! I don"t think you"re too busy.
【Google翻译】：
Don"t give artificial respiration to that dead flower! I don"t think it hurts you.
7:
一般一般，世界第三；很丑很丑，港姐第九。
Average, third in the world; ugly, ugly, Miss Hong Kong number nine.
【百度翻译】：
Generally speaking, the world is the third; ugly and ugly, Hong Kong sister is the ninth.
【Google翻译】：
Generally average, third in the world; very ugly and ugly, Hong Kong sister is ninth.
8:
我负责挣钱养家，你负责貌美如花。
I"m the breadwinner and you"re the beauty.
【百度翻译】：
I"m in charge of making money to support my family. You"re in charge of beauty.
【Google翻译】：
I"m in charge of earning money to support my family, and you are in charge of beauty.
9:
向前一小步，文明一大步。
One small step forward, one giant leap forward for civilization.
【百度翻译】：
A small step forward, a big step forward in civilization.
【Google翻译】：
A small step forward, a big step in civilization.
这三家都按时交卷了，吃瓜群众看完答案，一致认为这三家的翻译存在不够地道、不够信达雅、不知所云乃至完全错误的问题，其排名并列倒数第一。
我编上述段子的目的是，童鞋们写英文文章时，不要盲目相信五花八门的翻译软件，其只能作为参考；否则，会贻笑大方。
大部分人用母语写文章能比非母语表达的更为准确，毕竟母语是自己从小开始学习的语言。记得有人说过，英文在表述的严谨性方面要优于中文，我对此不敢苟同。我觉得只要学好了语文且善于使用，定能体现表述的严谨性，严谨性与何种语言无关。至于中文比英文的优势，则主要反映在表形和表意方面，其远胜于英文。
有歪果仁认为“SCI=Stupid Chinese Idea”，让诸多国人很不爽。不过，略微想想，就明白人家这么说确有一定道理，理由是：（1）对大多数国人而言，用中文比用英文写文章更得心应手，用自己的劣势PK人家的优势以在投稿英文期刊中胜出，除付出更多的时间成本外，一般还得付出直接金钱成本——如找翻译公司付费润色；（2）把大量时间用在英文翻译上而不是深度钻研上，功夫没用对地方。嗯，文章不管发在哪里，以何种语言发表，“货”还是那个“货”，只是传播力度不同而已。
武向平院士曾指出：“强盛的中国应该具有让中文统治世界的雄心和壮志，当中文成为（主流）科学语言的那一天，我们才能真的成为世界科技强国和世界科技的中心，才真的具有了我们民族的自信，我们文化的自信，我们道路的自信，我们制度的自信，我们理论的自信。”对此，我深以为然。
