To: Jacob ~ From: Meg
Dear Jacob,
I"ve found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel"s back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore think they are over-reacting.
I feel like this is the story of our relationship. I hate arguing with you; I hate hearing that pain-filled tone of your voice, or feeling your cold shoulder when I brush past just to get a hint of your scent. I"m not naturally an angry person; you know that from when you first met me. I have so many bad memories, so many moments that I hold myself in because they seem to be all that is left of me. I feel like a ghost created from torn webs of my past and I have brought all that into a relationship, thinking that past problems won"t melt over into present dilemmas. I"ve been living a lie.
Our argument was caused from so many things. My insecurities, my lack of self-worth, the selfish want to be the only one that makes you smile and toss a sparkle across your eye. I know that the blame is mostly mine. Your friends are your family, much like my mother is my family. I defend the things she says and does out of love and I know you do much of the same for them.
I"m sorry for not taking the time to be patient with you, to sit and listen and understand the way you feel. I know that I will never know the things they share with you and you share with them and therefore your relationship with them is of a different importance than yours and mine. When you say I am wrong in a matter that concerns your friends, your family, then most likely I am ... I"m sorry for hurting you and beating you down so often. If anyone shows a lack of respect in this relationship then I suppose it is me who is to blame.
I feel like you don"t want to be near me,
