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科技英语写作基础(系列):简洁 (2,updated)

如果你的目标是写小说,应该看原版The Elements of Style (免费下载):

http://www.jlakes.org/ch/web/The-elements-of-style.pdf

 

为了“完整”性,我们继续用The Elements of Style 。不喜欢看英文原著的,凑合着看我的注解。

另外,我会用Google Translate。GT现在还不成熟,你不要拿它当回事。

 

II. ELEMENTARY PRINCIPLES OF COMPOSITION 

18. Avoid a succession of loose sentences. 

This rule refers especially to loose sentences of a particular type: those consisting of two clauses, the second introduced by a conjunction or relative. A writer may err by making sentences too compact and periodic. An occasional loose sentence prevents the style from becoming too formal and gives the reader a certain relief. Consequently,loose sentences are common in easy, unstudied writing. The danger is that there may be too many of them. 

Google Translate: 这个规则特别指的是特定类型的松散句子:由两个条款组成的句子,第二个由连词或亲戚引入。作家可能会因句子太紧凑和周期性而犯错误。偶尔的宽松句子可以防止风格过于正式,给读者带来一定的缓解。因此,宽松的句子在简单,未经研究的写作中很常见。危险在于它们可能太多了。

注解:偶尔用“松散句子”,可以防止文风过于僵硬。但是,不要过多使用这类句子

 

书中有两个比较长的例子。如果你有兴趣,可以看看(33和34页)。我们可以私下或公开讨论这些例子。

坏例子:

The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive program will be presented. 

Apart from its triteness and emptiness, the paragraph above is bad because of the structure of its sentences, with their mechanical symmetry and singsong.

Google Translate: 除了它的陈腐和空虚之外,由于其句子的结构,它们的机械对称性和歌唱性,上面的段落是不好的。

 

好例子:

Compare these sentences from the chapter "What I Believe" in E. M. Forster"s Two Cheers for Democracy:

I believe in aristocracy, though —if that is the right word, and if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power, based upon rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the considerate and the plucky. Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as for themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke.* 

(* Excerpt from "What I Believe" in Two Cheers for Democracy, copyright 1939 and renewed 1967 by E. M. Forster, reprinted by permission of Harcourt, Inc. Also, by permission of The Provost and Scholars of King"s College, Cambridge, and The Society of Authors as the literary representatives of the E. M. Forster Estate.) 

  

An unskilled writer will sometimes construct a whole paragraph of sentences of this kind, using as connectives and, but,and, less frequently, who, which, when, where, and while,these last in nonrestrictive senses. (See Rule 3.) 

Google Translate:一个不熟练的作家有时会构造一整段这样的句子,用作连词,但是,而且,不经常,谁,何时,何地,何时,这些最后都是非限制性的意义。 (见规则3)

注解:青椒常常会滥用and, but, 也会滥用who, which, when, where, and while 开头的不定时从句。

A writer who has written a series of loose sentences should recast enough of them to remove the monotony, replacing them with simple sentences, sentences of two clauses joined by a semicolon, periodic sentences of two clauses, or sentences (loose or periodic) of three clauses —whichever best represent the real relations of the thought. 

Google Translate:写了一系列宽松句子的作者应该重新编写足够的单调来删除单调,用简单的句子替换它们,用分号连接的两个句子句子,两个句子的定期句子,或者三个句子(松散或周期性)条款 - 最能代表思想的真实关系的条款。

注解:记住了,好文章是改出来的。你完全可以改掉一些“松散句子”。

 

[科技英语写作基础(系列):大纲(1)

http://blog.sciencenet.cn/home.php?mod=space&uid=306792&do=blog&id=1146690

科技英语写作基础(系列):大纲(2)

http://blog.sciencenet.cn/home.php?mod=space&uid=306792&do=blog&id=1146716]

1.    语态(1)

2.    常用时态

3.    一些标点符号“规则”(句号、逗号,参考The Elements of StylePart I)

4.    一些语法“规则”(主语、谓语的一致性、变化多端的代词、分词短语的主人,参考The Elements of Style Part I)

5.    一些基本的写作“原则”(文章结构、段落、语态、简洁性,参考The Elements of Style)

6.    修改、修改、再修改[简洁为上, see Chapter 7 Concision by Joseph/三种修饰语+两种“问题修饰语”,即悬空修饰语(p161)、错位修饰语/, see Chapter 8 Length by Joseph/逻辑性/一致性]

 

请大家多提意见。

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